Up until today it's been a really difficult week - I haven't been anywhere near the version of Mommy, wife, friend that I want to be. I'm thankful for forgiveness and fresh days.
I take on too much sometimes. Or maybe it's more like I expect too much sometimes. I expect more of myself than I can ever ever ever deliver. I expect a lot from my kids too -
Last night I had this moment while I watched them sleeping - it was like "What am I doing? " Why do I feel responsible to make them the perfect children?" I'll never be perfect, why do I expect them to do everything right?"
This is what I realized - (that's me... slow learner)
They ARE individuals
They ARE going to make mistakes - little ones and big ones.
They are going to mess up, they might not choose to walk with God and follow His word.
AND it is NOT my responsibility to make sure that they do.
My job is to show them wisdom,guide them to truth, to teach them God's word, to take care of their physical needs and love them as image bearers of God. And then.... I have to let go and let God invite them to begin their own journey.
It's a new level of trust for me.
Tonight we split the girls up into their own rooms. They have shared since B was born, it was so hard for me to split them up but it was necessary! Bedtime has been a struggle for as long as B could pull down her bumper to peek at her sis. I love that they are best friends - I do not love the nightly bedtime drama. So we are trying it. B's a little lost, she said "But I will be lonely". She is not used to being alone, but she's not the kind of girl that ALWAYS needs someone around. I think she'll get used to it quick.
We are slowly getting into Kindergarten mode. I asked A what she is looking forward to doing most in Kindergarten and she said
Wow... I'm in trouble. It's a good think God gave her a Daddy who has a calculator in his brain.