I'm glad it's fall and a question

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It feels so odd to be going from sand and sun to sweatshirts and fallen leaves.
But so very good!
The windows are wide open, a pumpkin spice candle is burning, there is a creamy potato soup in my refrigerator, and our first box of hot chocolate is almost gone already. Ahhh..
I feel like I can breathe. 
And I need some more tissues because my nose keeps running.


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We are getting back on schedule here - today was our first full day of school in a couple weeks.
I think we are going to make it in the homeschooling adventure. We've got a whole month under our belts and although there were some days I was screaming (in my mind) WHAT HAVE I DONE! Already I may have said it out loud too. There are other days that my heart is filled up with joy that I can watch her face light up with understanding.

There is so much to teach them, I get a little dizzy when I think about it. One week at a time....
This week we are doing "fire safety week" Did you know it was national fire safety week? Well - there you go.
A. has a panicky fear of things catching on fire ever since I let her watch a Christmas movie last year that had a fire scene at the end. So this is going to be good for her - it also means this year my smoke alarms are actually going to get new batteries this year.

switching gears

On our trip I took the girls to an art gallery/museum. 
It was amazing.
For me it was like suddenly waking up. I wonder if you know what I mean.
Like you just know that you belong where you are and things make sense.
I couldn't stop talking - I was like .. "look at this , do you see this kind of painting it's a landscape...This is a portrait because it's subject is a person... This was done with a pencil it's called a sketch...stop rolling around on the floor and come look at this... we can't do ballet in in the gallery" ( well they are 5 and 3 )
I wonder why I stopped giving myself permission to pursue those things that make me feel alive. I guess I've been so busy making sure my kids are taken care of and my "homemaking" responsibilities are checked off. I forgot....
Well I am making myself a promise
NO MORE!
I love feeling alive and free, I'd rather be awake then sleepwalking through my normal routine.

Leonardo Da Vinci said
"When once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."

I get that..

So I'll put the question out there
When was the last time you felt awake to life and like everything was in focus?
what were you doing?
Can you live your daily crazy life and still make time for what your passionate about?

6 comments:

Ricky said...

Melissa, (Sorry, you will always be Missy to me),
I loved your blog. It thrills my heart to see what has happened to the little girl. You are a fine young woman, a loving mother and a beautiful wife! I can not tell you how thrilled I am for you. I am glad you like the fall, Lynn loves it, I myself am a Spring-summer person. I would love the fall if winter did not follow it. Any way, I enjoyed your blog. Take care. Say hello to your mom.
Rick Fudge

Melissa, Protector of Swordland said...

I had to think a minute...teaching makes my heart beat. Anything logical makes my mind work. Photography and art challenges how I see things and makes me appreciate those who are so much more accomplished than I am.

Holly said...

The closest that I think I've come to the focus of which you speak was when Dave and I went to Seattle last September and visted Mt Rainier, at "Sunrise," one of the highest points of Mt Rainier. It was like breathing life instead of just air. But the moment was incomplete, because it was missing Norah, since we were there alone (although I loved the break, you know what I mean).
Your third question is the hardest, I think - I found this focus and peace outside of daily life. How do I find it within? I can't give myself permission to do the creative stuff until the mundane housekeeping stuff is done first, which exhausts my energy stores. Vicious circle, you know. :)

knack said...

I love this post! I too am homeschooling this year for the first time:) Mine are 6th grade and 8th grade....so it can be very challenging, but I am so glad that I am doing it. Spending even more time one on one with these guys is fantastic!

I too love Fall and feel full of energy and life! It is such a beautiful time of year full of color and renewal!

xo

Melissa said...

Thanks for answering everyone. I loved hearing from you.
Holly - I've been thinking about what you said. You really hit it when you said "give yourself permission". In the past I have felt selfish if I spend time / resources on myself, especially when my laundry isn't done or something. It is a vicious cycle. But I think I am finding that when I do something that makes me feel awake and alive I have tons more energy and motivation to do the other stuff too.

Holly said...

You are so right, Melissa - it's like I know this to be true, but I just can't put it into practice!! It's like a bad habit (needing to have a, b, and c done in order to give permission for the creative)! We need to break the habit, even though it will be painful, just like any habit-breaking is, but it will get easier each time we do it...right???