Yes, Jesus loves me...

Early early early Monday morning found us in the emergency room. B woke up in the middle of the night sick - not an uncommon thing for her, but this time it was blood she was throwing up.
Not a lot, but enough to look scary all over her sheets and nightgown. After an hour and a half, I called the Dr's urgent concerns line and spoke with a nurse she said if it was her she would be going to the ER.
I hung up and cried.

And so we packed up a little bag, grabbed a bowl and towel and all piled into the car (at 4:15am).
A thought it was a big adventure, Tim was very quite, and I was barely holding it together.
We were there almost 4 hours. I was so thankful that a friend of ours was working that night, and for the Popsicles she brought in...

B had a CT scan - which was terrifying for her, although she still talks about the "race cars" that went around and around her head.
She had blood drawn
The urine sample was a challenge, but we finally got it
And that's when they discovered that it was just a UTI - how strange. The blood was from a small tear in the lining of her esophagus and they were not at all worried about that.
I was so thankful!
So relieved!
So exhausted....

It's funny how fear can come on you - like a sudden storm, beating you around, surrounding so completely that you can hear nothing else. I knew God was with me... I knew he cared... and oh how I prayed! But still, I was griped with fear.
I learned something that day about my own strength, or rather - my lack of strength.
I'm not as strong as I thought I was..
In sudden trial - I am weak, I am helpless, I am forgetful.
-I am needy -
and I really hate admitting that!
I really hate that weakness.
So today I am thankful for this

"Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but he is strong"

Jesus never loved me because of my strength or even for my faith. He loves me in spite of it. He knows everything about me, even the things I try to pretend are not an issue.
I praise Him for that Love and in it I find strength
Exactly the kind I'm looking for...

I hope YOU are looking at Him today!


Anonymous said...

so glad that B is ok! and thanks for the reminder that Jesus loves us in spite of ourselves...


Donna said...

We don't check in for a few days & miss so much!!!
I learn on a regular basis that I'm not as strong as I thought I was...but, praise be to my Rock & my Strength, I don't always have to be. Even knowing that, I, too, get frustrated with myself.
I'm SO glad Brenna is on the mend & nothing more serious was wrong. Bless her little heart!!! UTI's can do the strangest things!
Ilove you all & send BIG hugs! xoxo

Shirlene said...

Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Our poor little Brenna. The UTI can explain some of the behavior patterns she was having lately. One of the first things I have learnt you need to look for when that happens in an Alz person. I would say that admitting you are weak is a great sign of strength. You have a lot on your shoulders and you handle it all in the beauty of grace. I need to pray more for your family and remember to check your blog more often.