going back


I remember when I was about 12 years old I wrote in my little notebook/journal of my dream of being a photographer and taking beautiful pictures that people would be captured by. My favorite christmas gift from my childhood was my very own point and shoot Kodak camera which I used to take "family pictures" of my barbie dolls and "action shots" of my brothers playing in our backyard. I saved my babysitting money for months to buy a "good camera" that zoomed in and out. I loved that camera - I still have it and my children use it now to take imaginary pictures of me.
My father and I took a photography class together when I was a teenager - It was way over my head, but it was so fascinating. One of my proudest moments was probably the first time my Mom framed one of my photos and hung it on the wall. I took 2 years of photography at a com. college and bought a little used pentex with a 50mm lens from my prof. My life began to bleed photography. I worked for a wedding photographer on the weekends, and in a processing lab during the week. My camera went with me everywhere and I must have spent hundreds of dollars of film and developing. It was the craziest time in my life - but one of my favorites so far.
When I moved out on my own I put my camera in the closet. I took it out occasionally but since I had no money for film it pretty much stayed where it was. I'm not sure why - I guess I got busy with living like a grown up and stopped making time for what I was passionate about. I regret this - a lot. Being"grown-up" should never mean you stop learning and growing and doing things that you love.
Recently I've been reading some things that have really gotten my attention and made me think - What do I really love? what am I good at? what would I do if I could do anything?  
max lucado calls it your "sweet spot" in "cure for the common life". It scared me a little at first, going down this line of thinking. That might sound a little silly. But when you fail at something your heart isn't invested in it is so much different than failing at something your passionate about. And I, my friends, am afraid of failure. There - now the world knows.
But I'm not stopping there.

It takes courage to do anything worthwhile.

Maybe you understand what I'm saying - it's okay if you don't, really.  
Let's just say I'm ready to break out, and grow - 

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