Yesterday it rained - a lot- and I happened to be driving on the interstate during it.
I am talking about the kind of rain that is so thick and gray that you can see the car in front of you and... well that's about it.
I was struck by this thought.
"This is exactly how I could describe my life at this moment"
chaos feels like it is all around me and I can't do anything but what is a few lengths in front of me...
Do you ever feel like that?
can't keep up..
can't see where I am going..
I think we all do at times....
and like the rain it's there for a while and then it clears. You just have to keep on driving and in the meantime concentrate on not running into anything.
Part of me feels shame to admit that I can't keep up the pace. Shouldn't I be able to do everything, and do it with a smile on my face. Isn't that what a godly women / good mom / good wife / leader looks like?
My life is good!
I have a home, food to eat, clothes to wear, money to keep the lights on and the water hot.
Trials and troubles take so many forms
and sometimes they come because of the ordinary.
sickness, pregnancy, tierdness, a dream not realised, a child's behavior, lost keys, life change..etc.
Funny thing is - I notice how differently I handle these ordinary troubles.
Those times in my past when life as I knew it suddenly crumbled around me were the times I fell to my knees the fastest and ate the words of Jesus like daily bread, I learned to rest in Him and be carried by His strength.
"In this world you will have trouble, but do not be afraid.. I have overcome the world"
This past week I have sludged through trial of the ordinary so thick.... and honestly?
I have been mad about it. I have been mad through it.
It doesn't make sense. To accept the trouble of the tragic and not the ordinary.
I think perhaps it has to do with my own desperation. How desperate am I for God in daily life? It is common that I have to reach the end of myself before I begin to look for Him.
I was recently reminded that God's ultimate purpose is not to make our lives easy but to conform those who are His more and more into the image of His son.
To draw us more closely to Him, to transfer our dependance from ourselves to Him.
I have had to ask myself this:
When I go to Him... am I willing to accept this and to submit to HIS process?
Or when I pray do I expect that He's just going to make everything "All better"?
Is that why I get mad in the trouble of the ordinary?
"In this world you WILL HAVE trouble, but do not be afraid I have overcome the world"
The truth is that God knows us (me) and he knows how we work -
He knows that we pay attention better when the rain is heavy and the road is slick, and when we are paying attention He can continue His real work in us.
(photos of the -ordinary- from this past week)